"A Change is Gonna Come"

It's like listening to the Sam Cooke Song, "It's been a long, a long time coming But I know a change gonna come, Oh yes it will!"

Change is hard no matter who you are, whether you embrace change or not. There are still things that will affect you. I know this first hand.

The first part of my life I have welcomed change and embraced it with open arms. I always saw change as positive and a way of simplifying processes or making things easier or possibly streamlining. Well the older I have gotten the more I reject change.

It frightens me to the core, mostly for reasons I don’t have answers too. The what if’s the unknowns. I truly became that person who sits there with a sullen face at even the thought of change or the idea.

Well I've had to make lots of changes recently in my life. Career changes as well as dreams that have dissolved into ideas that I once cherished.  But dreams have to change with us as we grow and evolve. We can’t focus on one idea and that’s it, cause truly that idea/dream just might not be what truly makes you happy.  You create your own happiness every moment you are alive and breathing, which means that during that time, is a chance to make your dreams come alive. Not dreams of being princes and princesses but realistic dreams. One’s that will make you happy, and that you can achieve.

It’s scary and intimidating sometimes stepping out into that crazy world. I know I feel that way too. But we have friends and family and random people that may come in and out of our lives while we are chasing our dreams and conquering our fears and embracing the changes we need to make for ourselves that are there to help us and see us through.

So when you’re out there in that crazy world with your head down and scared. Look up and smile. There might just be someone waiting for to smile at them.

~Blessings~

I can feel the overwhelming warmth of the sun beating on my face through the cafe window. I find myself melding into the chair, savoring my coffee and the sound of the gentle folk music playing throughout.
Its such a sweet thing, feeling the sun on your face. Warming your soul.  Fragrant aroma of coffee filling your nostrils and the gentleness of the music moving in your spirit. The taste of the mocha lingering on your taste bud's.

It's amazing how we can absorb so much in a single moment. In this very moment, I am reminded of how blessed I truly am. What a wonderful feeling to bask in the sweet grace and tender mercy of God.
Reminded of a life I came from and a life I built with, through and in Him.

My heart is filled with the sweet, sweet joy that only my savior could give me. Freely! Not for anything I've done.

The song "Amazing" by Aerosmith just popped into my head. "It's Amazing, in the blink of an eye, you finally see the light." It's true. That's how quickly your life can change. Well that's how quickly mine did. 
Wow this is one of my first reflections on how I've really changed. It's inspiring even to me. The hardest thing is you have to want to make changes. It's not easy to change overnight. Also I will always make mistakes. But at the end of the day. I remember that what Grace is for!
Well with a grateful heart I give thanks. "For all good things come from above."

Food has always been My First Love!

I think about food allllllllllll the time. Its borderline obsessive. I don't know why I do this. In turn I EAT. For the most part I consistently eat healthy. Well for what would be considered normal meals. I love healthy food. I love veggie burgers, brown rice, whole grains, soybeans, you name it. I know so much about healthy food and eating habits. The problem is I like unhealthy food just as much. Well maybe that's not as much the problem as my control and will to not eat that crap.
 The food that will most likely kill me one day if I don't learn to take control over what some may call an addiction. My thoughts surrounding food I think are just so distorted and I can manipulate myself into eating what I want. It's kind of crazy how I think about food. I need to be accountable and why be accountable to myself? Have you ever tried that. Its awful.
Well I leave this post for now. I am sure this is the start of my many food blogs.
I LOVE YOU AND HATE YOU!
Sincerely,
Amanda

FAITH

I worry worry worry worry about the worst thing that could happen in a situation and I am afraid to let myself be happy again.
I think to much..
I have to look at a situation differently and maybe see the good that's potentially could happen.. Not let the fear consume me..
Major change or something I have to do. I fear it.. I have to hit the fear head on, and get through it..
Somewhere I get stuck in the obsessiveness.
I will not let anxiety take over me.
The more I overpower it and stop it.. The more I work through it..
The quicker I conquer it.

broken hearts and empty DREAMS

There has to be something more to life than this. I feel life has been a series of pulling the short stick as "THEY" say. At 32 I am pretty much sick of "them". Whoever "They" are.
Tired of the broken hearts and empty dreams.
Watching the clouds drift by on this sunny afternoon reminds me of watching my dreams slowly drift past me. Dreams we have when we are little. What we think we are going to do with our lives. But how what I thought I once might do seems so out of reach. Dreams they come and go. But waiting for the next one can sometimes seem so distant from where you may be standing, like from my perspective right now.
True (finish my sentence) Love seem so distant and beyond reach.
Reaching for something and thinking that's what you want. Convincing yourself that what your grasping onto is real. Well life is made up of a lot of things that crumble before us.
Sometimes what your looking at is your imagination exaggerating what you've always dreamed of and convinced yourself that what you wanted is right in front of you. The real deal or your imagination? Your the only one who can figure it out.

I don't want to be fool-hearted but I am. A hopeless romantic with lots of broken dreams and empty hearts, pretty much what I am left with at the end of the day is whatever I make of it. REAL or IMAGINE.

Do you Belong?

Do you ever feel like you just don't belong? Honestly, like deep down in your core you feel this unending desire to just get up and leave. Maybe you should be doing something else.
Perhaps you are wasting your time. Perhaps you are supposed to be doing something all together different, something you have always yearned to do.
Well, I do.
I feel this clawwing at my soul. I feel an uncomfortablness that has settled into my bones. I feel the burning desire to follow my dreams.

The Question is " What do I do about it?"

Complicated

As I sit alone in a hotel lobby, I wonder when I got so impatient. When did I allow people to bother me. How am I so sensitive to things that people do? I am annoyed, aggravated, dissapointed, frustrated and sad all at once. Mostly at myself.
I don't know when I became so intolerant of other people. Their behaviors for instance, do I project an entitled attitude? I am asking cause I am offended by this in someone else. Do I present this same type of attitude?
If so I am sorry, I am utterly offended and consumed with annoyance at the present moment.

Do I go through life like this? Not caring how I come across to others. Not sorry for any inconvenience that I may cause. No worries of how I may impact your world.

This is an obvious hurdle in my life. But what roads brought me to this? I have always been so open minded.

What's changed? Well, a lot I guess.
My beliefs, thoughts, attitude, emotions. I am constantly refocusing my attention on how I can be a better person, but if I cant even tolerate the intolerable, how can I strive to be better??