I have always held love in such high regard on my list. I still believe in fairy tale love and that my prince is coming for me. Maybe not on a horse galloping in to sweep me off my feet in the literal sense, but in the true sense of what love means to me, He is coming and today I realized that I am not giving up.
I have broken many hearts and had mine broken as well and through it all I thought that God put me here to fix the fixer uppers and get them ready for their true loves. It seemed like I couldn't get it right.
Especially the past year when someone I really loved came into my life and sometimes no matter how great it seems, it's just not for you. Not here, not now, not in this lifetime. That was crushing to say goodbye.
So I have taken my issue up with God. I have been angry with him I've realized. (Yes I know, who gets mad at God) I will raise my hand now.
I felt that I was deserving of pure, wonderful, magical love. The kind I think of in my head, for instance the end of the movie "Pretty Woman" when Richard Gere heads back to the city in his limo standing and singing opera out of the top of the sunroof to an unsuspecting Julia Roberts his true love.)
I fantasize that my true love will be just as corny and beautiful in all its splendor.
Lately I have been hearing people saying in God's time. I have trouble seeing past Amanda's time, cause for 31 years I have been doing things on my watch or so it seems. So putting something as large as my soulmate in to the hands of God a man I can't see or touch, has been tough for me.
Until today, someone "pretty amazing" made me see the other perspective. You know the perspective we usually don't see until it's too late or its slapped you upside the head.
Well he shared with me that my past relationships in all there beauty and splendor or suckiness depending on the relationship, are God's way of preparing us for our TRUE LOVE!
It's Gods way of bringing me through the difficult aspects of love so that when I meet my soul mate, I will already know what to do or not do.
Wow imagine. All this time it was right in front of my face the most obvious of answers....
As much as "I want it now Daddy. I want the Golden Goose."
Well whining and crying will not prepare me for what I really want but waiting and listening will.
This is where I now wait for it is in God's hands and in his time..........
